Choosing A Quiet Holiday

Years ago, when my husband and I still worked in restaurants, we couldn’t go to either of our parents’ homes for Christmas one year. We had an intimate Christmas, just the two of us and our cat, Oliver. We still made a big dinner, watched all our favorite movies, and opened presents. We sat around reading books we had gifted each other and I think may have headed to the movie theater to catch whatever was the Oscar bait that year. We had a moment where we sat on our bed and cried, missing our families and adjusting to this new way to celebrate with only the two of us.

Now we choose to do it every year.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a huge family holiday. I love the noise, the food, the crowded couches. I love the late nights the siblings have together, drinking beer by a muted television. I love getting out of the city and my normal routine and visiting with friends and family I don’t see every day. I love my family terribly and it is still difficult not to spend every holiday with them.

However…

We’ve come to appreciate our intimate holiday. We usually choose one to stay at home and this year is Thanksgiving. Last year was as well but we celebrated with another couple at their place which was just as quiet and lovely. But this year, since we are heading to my parents for Christmas, we decided to forgo any travel on Turkey Day and spend it just the two of us with all the Crescent rolls to ourselves.

We are enormously grateful for any invitations we did get and it was an active choice to say “We are just spending it at home.” Any place else would be nothing short of lovely, of course, but the idea of the two of us making all the food we love and going through the traditions we’ve made is too good to pass up. I find it amusing that anyone we told what we were doing responded with “Oh, I’m so jealous. That’s so smart.” So I’ll take that compliment and yes, I am now considered a genius, thank you. But also if you are responding that way, perhaps consider the quiet holiday one year, if you are able.

You see, after that first intimate Christmas, my husband and I have made our own holiday traditions. They are a Frankenstein of both our families with a sprinkle of our own new ones. There are certain foods we make and movies we watch. There’s a routine to Thanksgiving which my father knew immediately when I said what we were doing. “Parade and dog show,” he said over Gchat. Yup. Plus a red wine mouth by the end of the day.

It was important to us to make our own traditions and I am grateful for the opportunity, as sad as it was at the time, all those years ago. We were able to create our own holiday magic that we hope to continue with family and friends when we someday have a place big enough to house them. It was a time when we learned a lot about each other and took the stillness of the holidays to be together and celebrate the year and how lucky we are to have one another. That’s what the holidays are about, as every Christmas angel in every Christmas movie tells us. We hope to do it with our possible future child (or maybe just a puppy, it’s all still up in the air).

I know how fortunate I am to have what I have. I also know I said Christmas a lot in this but any intimate holiday is a chance to let the spirit of the season in whatever you celebrate this time of year. It’s quieter with more opportunity for it to flow through you. To connect. I take the time to assess the year and what I’ve accomplished. I say this but usually I focused on what I didn’t accomplish. It’s fine. Regardless, the time is precious and I value the quiet moments as well as the loud ones.

This year is a quiet one. Though I am sure my apartment will be filled with cheers for the doggos competing. They are all winners, obviously but I’m a big fan of the sporting group. It’s a little like making lemonade out of lemons. I discovered a different way to celebrate a holiday. Sometimes it’s good to change it up. You never know what new traditions you’ll find.

Happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful, be kind.