How To Believe As An Adult

Remember when you were little and you had unwavering faith in mermaids? Or the Tooth Fairy, unicorns, Santa, the imaginary creatures of our childhood. Remember how sure you were they existed? It’s hard, I know. But it’s there deep down. That solid golden instinct that these things were real, just eluding you. But if you believed hard enough, maybe one day you’d see them.

This doesn’t carry over as an adult. I have very little unwavering faith in anything, especially myself. When making my goals for the year, I made a theme as well: Putting It All Out There. This terrifies me more than it delights me and it has to do with belief.

I have lost the will to believe without doubt.

For an example, I created a subscriber newsletter to go out every Friday. It’s another way to communicate with anyone who reads my ramblings and to add some flavor. I include the blog link but I added in other fun tidbits. As I move forward with this blog this year, I wanted to focus in more on the message I wish to convey as I share my stories. That focus is magic based and how to live a life with magic. I don’t mean spells and curses though they may appear in there sometimes. I mean believing in something you can’t see, signs from the universe, Tarot readings, things like that. The newsletter includes those and recommendations for books, movies, articles, etc. It was something I wanted to create for a long time and finally pulled the trigger.

2 people signed up.

I don’t doubt there are a million ways I could have presented the newsletter. I received excellent advice on how to tease it, share it, etc. I didn’t have high expectations but I did expect more than 2. I allowed myself to cry for several minutes when I saw the results of my labor. I plan to continue with the newsletter and I know, deep down, it will grow with time.

But I don’t know if I truly believe it.

Doubt has a way of sinking in faster than confidence. It takes hold of my veins and spreads around me, pulsing with my heart so it is all I hear in my ears. I haven’t put myself out there in a very long time and the last few times I did were not the best reflections of what taking a risk can achieve. I don’t believe in myself like I believe in fairies. I think unicorns exist more than I think I can be a published writer.

We get here easily as we grow. Doubt creeps in and events happen to us. When you’re a child, your world is a bubble more than an ocean. It is a controlled environment for the most part and it isn’t until you gain more freedom that you see the world how it is. Your belief wavers. Even when I graduated college, I arrived in the city with confidence and faith in myself. I knew i was on the right path and I marched forward with hardly a doubt in my wake.

I know I have it inside me to find that belief again. I am truly convinced that is half of what makes a success story. You have to believe in it, in yourself, to exude that glowy, golden glow you used to have as a kid when you saw all the presents under the tree and the half eaten cookie and drunk glass of milk. The bright eyed, childlike wonder you gave Santa, how do you give yourself when you grow up?

Imagining it helps. How I used to imagine a mermaid, I can imagine a successful version of me. I have it in there, somewhere. I never doubted mermaids exist because I never saw why they wouldn’t. I should be able to see myself as a published writer or at the Golden Globes because there is no reason I can’t be that I can come up with. I’m sure I can if I tried but the point is not to try. That’s doubt coming after you.

The hero in every story has a moment of doubt. They want to give in and give up. But somewhere a voice in the wind, their animal sidekick, the ghost of their grandmother, an old tree tells them to rise and try again. We are in that spiral with them but we believe they will still win. We know Sam and Frodo will destroy the ring. We know Harry Potter will defeat Voldemort. We know Jo March will publish her book. We know this because we believe it with our whole hearts.

So thank you to my 2 subscribers, you’ll be getting an email on Friday. To anyone else reading this, sign up below if it interests you. Not for pity, of course, but if you’re truly into receiving something with little sparkle at the end of your week.

I am working on believing in myself like I believe in fairies. Clap if you believe.