The Haircut Theory (Pandemic Edition)

Several years back, I wrote a blog about my Haircut Theory . My theory was that every time you go for a haircut, in the days prior, your hair looks amazing. You doubt getting the haircut at all, let alone any major changes you were thinking like getting bangs or chopping a few inches. I compared this theory to any big life shift or change. Leaving your job, cleaning out your closet, moving, etc. Your gut says “Let’s do this!” and suddenly, everything is fine. Had you imagined it? Why would you change anything now, your hair is smooth and shiny and perfect? Change is bad. No more change.

Of course, that is not true. Even if you have a few good days in whatever you’re considering changing, it always snaps back into reality. Your hair goes flat, your job steals your confidence, your closet is stuffed to the brim with things you don’t wear. Change is good. Make the change.

Cut to 2020. Hair salons were closed for the better part of the year. The tiny West Village salon I had been going to for a few years closed in this pandemic and with it went the owner, my stylist, who I had fallen in love with because she got me when I spewed out the nonsense that I wanted to do with my hair. I’d describe it and she would magically know. She has stopped cutting hair for the time being.

My hair got long but not terrible. There were far worse things going on. When it was finally a lower risk to get a haircut, I went to another stylist who had worked at the same salon and who my husband and a few friends use. I had thought about what I wanted to do with my hair for a while. It was long, scraggly and getting on my nerves. But I wasn’t styling it. It was in a ponytail most days. I was someone who blew dry everyday with some product and hair spray and I couldn’t remember the last time I did that in the morning.

No one was seeing me. I didn’t have a job yet. I didn’t need a big change. I worried the change would make me sad. It would be silly to get anything I would need to style because it would feel like a waste.

So I got something simple. A trim and clean up. I felt renewed and happier but…I didn’t feel like myself.

I got another haircut in 2020 and I did the same thing: a little trim, some clean up of layers, nothing fancy. I had a job by the end of the year but I wasn’t in many meetings and my company is casual. A ponytail would do for any meeting I am in. We still weren’t going many places so again, it felt silly to put in the effort.

I had convinced myself I didn’t need the haircut. My Haircut Theory had switched: my hair didn’t look great for several days. It had been looking pretty meh for an entire year. But if I got a more styled cut, something more me, it would be wasted. The change would be useless because change was something that didn’t happen anymore. Change didn’t exist in my stagnant and still life that the pandemic provided. I didn’t need to get a haircut that would be hidden tied back and unbrushed.

I had gotten comfortable with the lack of change. Comfortable is the wrong word; I suppose I accepted that this was how things were. For now. I know it is all temporary. I know someday I will be back to making decisions and fearing change. In a way, I do fear change still. Changing anything right now feel huge and uncertain.

I got my first haircut for 2021 last week. I went and sat down and told my stylist “I need to change it up.” And he understood. I described what I was thinking and he delivered. I got my favorite haircut back with some texture, some swoopy bangs, and two less inches. He cut it in a way that I can let mostly air dry and it still looks good because he got it.

Because we all get it.

And I looked at the mirror as he stepped away to grab some product and I smiled underneath my mask. There I was. I was back. I have felt more myself in the last few days than I have in the last year.

Maybe it isn’t a haircut for you. Maybe it is wearing lipstick or cleaning that closet or changing your diet. Maybe it is putting on hard pants or hard shoes or a bra (I did and honestly, we don’t need to wear bras ever again but the boots felt good). Some change that you have been avoiding this last year because it is scary and uncertain and feels pointless right now. Because it feels wasted, useless. Getting dressed. Exercising. Showering before 3pm.

My Haircut Theory holds steady in its principal. You should get the cut. Make the change. Many changes can be reversed and right now, though it is uncertain, it can feel like life is moving again. One of my close friends and I were discussing this very thing. We need to start doing little things to feel life moving again. Things like a haircut I want/need to style in the morning. Maybe reorganizing your kitchen. Cleaning out your closet of clothes that you won’t wear again even when we start wearing hard pants again.

I know there are deeper and darker problems out there still. I know this is all still terrifying and awful and I am angry, exhausted, and empty most days. I know a haircut doesn’t fix anything major. But it did remind me that I am still in there. I am not a shell of my former self; I am only resting and recovering.

Try a little change. Take the leap. Get the bangs.