This seems like a comical blog entry but hear me out. The last few months, I’ve been trying to teach myself to style my hair. I have my reasons for this below alongside a brief history of how I have never done my hair except for special occasions. Throughout this, if you will, journey, I’ve gained confidence, solved issues with my novel, learned focus and patience, and remembered that if you work at something, eventually you’ll get it right.

The History

For my teenage years, I had short hair. I wanted it to look like Reese Witherspoon’s in Sweet Home Alabama. And it did…when my stylist first cut and styled it for me. She even told me how I could get it to look similar to Reese but obviously Reese had a team of experts doing her hair between takes. If it isn’t obvious due to the title of this blog, I did not style my hair when it was cut this way.

I kept it short throughout college and when I first moved to the city. I hadn’t found a salon yet my first year here and, being lazy, I went up the street from my apartment to a SuperCuts. I wanted my hair short, as usual. The hack job I received will not be described further. I ended up going back to the salon and requesting a stylist fix the choppy layers and uneven back and somehow it was made worse. I wore a lot of headbands for a few months.

I kept my hair long after that.

When preparing for my day, I’ve never done more than blow dry my hair with a round brush. For years, I never put a product in it unless i was curling it for an event in which case I used hair spray. My hair was often flat, straight, and full of static in winter months. I’ve always been jealous of the New York woman who somehow does not have static as she takes off her winter hat once she is indoors. What did she sacrifice to get this incredible gift?

I convinced myself I could never be that woman. I could never have hair like that.

The last job I had before the pandemic was at a company with a lot of women who made a deal with the devil for perfect hair. It probably wasn’t that extreme but they walked in every day with their perfect barrel curls and voluminous, static free manes. Again, I believed that could never be me so I sat watching their shiny hair bounce and stewed in my jealousy.

We got products every month and when I first started, I was disappointed to receive so many hair products. My hair was awful! I wasn’t going to see any results! Just let my flat brunette mop exist!

But then I started using them.

The Process

The pandemic did not really aide me in wanting to do my hair. What was the point, especially during lockdown? So, I didn’t. I barely blow dried it. This actually gave my hair a nice break from heat styling which I do recommend.

Then I decided to try and find a better shampoo. I mean, what else was I doing? This started my quest into figuring out how to get the beautiful hair of my dreams. I tried all different brands, different price points. I found one which I had discovered at my former job and it has been a holy grail to my hair.

I started to add products. Mousse, dry shampoo, volume sprays, texturizing sprays, root lifters, etc. I curled my hair and used a beach wave spray. I got one of those fancy dry brushes (not a Dyson, god I wish I could afford that). My hair breaks less and, when using these products together, my hair looks like I tried. I started using no heat curlers to give a little boost and I feel deeply in love with this extremely simple (though there is a bit of a learning curve), works every time solution to making my hair look great.

The Lessons

• I tried so many different products to find the right combination. It was frustrating. I gave up a lot. It took effort and practice to get certain things right. Too much spray, too little volume, more heat, less cold, hold the curling iron on longer. All these issues sprang up every day I made the effort to try and style my hair. But I showed up and worked through them. I started to figure it out.

• Patience. I am extremely impatient. I want everything to be done quickly and give me instant gratification. This process did not. Styling hair takes time. Finding the right products take time. Wanting to keep going takes patience.

• I started this process assuming I would nail it. I have failed miserably so many times. I had to watch YouTube videos for both my dryer brush and my no heat curlers because I was doing them both poorly. I really hate asking for help and always want to figure it out myself first but this time I couldn’t. It was a lesson in humility and realizing that I can’t be perfect at everything on my own.

• The sparks of confidence that would glitter through me propelled me forward and kept me laughing at my failures instead of angry. I’m not doing my hair to go on television; I am doing my hair to sit in my apartment at my desk where most days I am only seen by my husband and cats. It may seem trite but I feel pretty when my hair is bouncy, like I’ve just left the salon and it feels clean and free. I oddly feel like an adult, like i’ve learned a secret to being a grown woman and that secret is get up ten minutes earlier and put some hair spray in.

• Styling my hair became like showering. My mind wanders and I think of my latest edits in my novel or a story idea I am working through. It is like a quiet mediation, like I find doing my makeup provides. It is time for myself and I feel good doing it and seeing the results.

  I feel good is the big lesson here.

Taking the time to learn how to get my hair the way I want it and to finally be a New Yorker who doesn’t have static cling or flat, lifeless hair in winter made me realize I am capable of more than I believe I am. I always thought “Oh i don’t have hair like that” or “My hair could never look like that”.

The thing is, it can. And it does.

DREAMS COME TRUE

If I had a commute could I still do this every morning? Honestly, yes. I have managed to get it down to a few steps that usually turn out well (not always, I am not a professional here). I have to get up earlier so maybe this would only last a few weeks but I could do it.

And that is an incredible feeling.

FAVORITE PRODUCTS:

R&Co Television Hair Shampoo and Conditioner (in winter, leave conditioner in a little longer)

R&Co Rodeo Star Thickening Foam

Living Proof Full Dry Volume Blast

Revlon One Step Volumizer Hot Air Brush

Drybar No Heat Self Adhering Curlers (these are like $12 bucks and so much fun but take their advice and watch the video on Drybar’s site for help)

Oribe Texturizing Spray (I can never afford this but it is what my stylist uses and I LOVE IT)

amika Soul Food hair mask