September. Fall. The holidays on the horizon. Like clockwork, my anxiety builds and I reflect on what I haven’t done. The last quarter of the year fills up quickly for me. Fall is my favorite season and I celebrate the fuck out of Halloween and all autumn’s activities which include my wedding anniversary and husband’s birthday. Then it’s the holidays which I don’t even need to explain. At this point, part of me always wants to give up entirely. The year is done. It’s all fun now! Let it go and start over with that wonderful New Years Resolution you will realize you never achieved next September.

I am trying not to panic. I haven’t written in my novel in almost two weeks. I have worked on it in my head and written ideas down but I haven’t sat and typed as I planned to do. I haven’t worked on any short story contests as I hoped I would. I don’t know if I will finish that second draft before Nanowrimo nor am I certain I will participate again if I don’t have these others projects complete. But then again, why put all these restrictions on if I have an idea that is jumping at me to get out and onto a page? Having an imagination is HARD, y’all.

I also wanted to start auditioning again in the fall. REMEMBER THAT, past Rachel with all the hopes and dreams and thinking fall was really far away?!?

It’s all okay. It truly is. I have to remember this happens every single year. I have to remember that when I write down my Get Shit Done lists and make reasonable goals, it all happens. I haven’t done that. I sank into my new job and let the rest slide downhill, knowing I’d catch up eventually. But it’s felt good to let go of it because I am a little lazy at heart. However, that good feeling is fading and turning into anger at myself for letting it slide about two weeks too long. I have to run to go grab it and I haven’t stretched in days.

Yikes.

So I will make my lists. I had a busy August and didn’t make any lists. The lists help. The book Get Your Shit Together by Sarah Knight helps. Remembering why I moved back and started these goals and projects helps.

This will happen again next year, I am sure. I can almost guarantee it. But instead of giving up for the rest of the year like I’ve done before, let’s see what happens if I pick up the pace.

If you’re feeling the same way, it’s okay. It’s normal. It’s being creative and wanting to achieve everything you hope for. You want to create, write, read, perform 24/7 but sometimes, it isn’t happening. But I read something the other day that made me feel a little better. This is paraphrasing but still impactful: You’re a writer even if you just write 300 words. You write them down and that makes you a writer. Even a little bit of your art every day makes you an artist. I may not have a literary agent or a deadline but I have ideas and a computer and time in my day to put it all down. So if you’re like me, it’s okay. And if you have achieved all your goals for the year, you’re amazing and I kind of hate you a little bit but way to go (over achiever).