Choosing My Own Adventure

It is that time in the Choose Your Own Adventure book where I have to make a decision. I have two page numbers I can pick. Will one lead to my untimely death? Will the other lead me to more secret tunnels and dark forests? Will neither work out and I will just be stuck in this story wondering what went wrong?

I took June off and planned to secure a job by July. Well, the job I had interviewed with that I was confident I’d get a confirmed offer from ghosted me. I’ve sent a follow up…two actually because I hate not knowing…and sit in wait to see if anyone decides to at least let me know one way or the other. So currently, I am living off of my severance which is the point of severance but not what I wanted to do with mine.

That all being said: it is tempting, isn’t it?

To take a summer off. Remember that? The freedom of three months of nothing but sun and swimming pools and watermelon and hide and seek? I could write and hop into temporary gigs as the summer continues to progress. I could attempt to sell essays, articles, and enter more short story contests. This is New York fucking City. I can make money standing on the street handing out pamphlets for a comedy show without even showing my resume.

But I am an adult now. I’m responsible. Having stability the past year has been glorious. A schedule and a steady paycheck. I could plan and carve out my creative time each week with no stress. We could take trips and I had health insurance. I knew what every week held and I didn’t have nightmares about where my money was coming from.

Now I’m on the fence. I’ve applied to several other jobs last week during the holiday in hopes to hear this week. I am going in to re-interview at my former temp agency today. I actually truly loved temping. It kept me on my toes and I ended up seeing a lot of the city and learning my way around when I first moved here after college. It was fun and I met a lot of people I wouldn’t have normally met. It’s not a bad way to make some money. I plan to pop in to re-register to do extra work with another former agency. I also love extra work where some people may not. Again, it’s fun and every day is new and different and you’re on a damn movie set so I never get the complaining. I always think to myself “How many kids want to be here doing this right now?” and any frustration disappears.

Do I say I only want short term gigs for the next month and a half or do I ask for longer ones? Do I keep applying for jobs to get a steady one? Do I take the risk and the leap like so many of my friends and live a freelancer lifestyle for a bit? Like I said, it’s tempting. This city is built for that and I haven’t done it in so long. I grew to hate it eventually but this wouldn’t be forever. I would plan it like I did my month off. I have so much more I want to do and its screaming at me to do it. A month wasn’t enough to complete all my projects even with writing during business hours. I accomplished a lot but now I’ve tasted the sweet sticky freedom of a summer writing and I want more of it.

I always looked forward to going back to school in the fall growing up. I was oddly excited unlike most of my friends. Maybe that’s what happens now. I go back to school in the fall and I have the summer to explore. Or maybe a solid job will come calling tomorrow and I’ll get back to that steady paycheck that is dangling in front of me like a new back to school outfit. I’ve got two page numbers to pick and I have done nothing but stare at each of them, making a pros and cons list for each one. Do I think myself lucky or am I foolish? I can’t decide. I’m sure I’m both. Many would be happy to sit here in this position and many would despise it. I’m a mix of the two.

I guess I’ll decide today in the moment where to turn to. That’s the best any of us can do on our own adventure.