I am still writing my novel. I started it for Nanowrimo in 2018 and worked on it all 2019. While I didn’t finish my second draft by the end of 2019, I am close and still working on it.

Spoiler alert: it is a hell of a lot of work

I am not naive enough to think it does not take work to write a novel, especially a fantasy novel where I am creating a world, culture, magic systems, creatures. I find myself pausing as I type away and thinking “Oh shit, did I have dragons leave before that ancient battle or after?” or “Fuck, what did the goblins look like again?” It is a ton of back and forth with my notes or making notes for future drafts.

I have to add more character detail and improve the relationships between them. I have to work on my dialogue and add more description. Look, I have a shit ton to do. I don’t need to list it all. You all get it if you’ve ever written anything.

I am very impatient.

It kind of blows my mind how antsy I am because I truly love writing this novel and enjoy every minute I sit down and dive back in. But I want it to be further along. I want to be on the next step, closer to my overall goal of having it ready to let people read it, edit it, send it out into the world.

I don’t feel that much closer.

I am. I know I am. I know the past few years is when I’ve shifted my focus to writing and this is all normal. However, in this fast paced world where you see success happen in what seems overnight, it is hard not to fall victim to believing it and wondering why I am not a published author yet. Why I don’t have 500 subscribers. Why I am still working a 9-5.

This goes back to a blog I wrote about hard work. This all takes hard work. Sure, there are 23 year olds being nominated for Oscars but there are also 50 year olds who have worked their asses off behind the scenes in films you haven’t heard of or off Broadway plays that never hit mainstream. And those 23 year olds also worked their young little butts off even with only two decades under their belt. They kept going, they kept trying and working.

Patience is rare in this world. Patience is even more rare when you have something you are working towards and keep forgetting that it takes time and effort. Do I wish I had endless hours to work on my novel? Yes. But the reality is that I don’t. I have to fit it in with all the rest and believe that with time, as long as I keep chipping away at it, I will get there.

Patience is part of being that hard worker. Focus and patience. I have very little patience in real life so this will always be a challenge. I am still trying to be that hard worker and not the one who says she’s working and then gets cheese fries. Writing last night while my husband was out sparked that passion in me again. I finished the scene I wanted to and I didn’t push further. I am doing it in chunks. Chunks help.

Patience is key. Stay the course.