You Never Know What Door Will Open

I am doing my third nanowrimo next month. For those that don’t know, nanowrimo is from November 1-30th and stands for National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000, a standard novel word count, in 30 days. I lost the first year, won my second (that’s where my novel came from) and this year I am working on a new idea. As I prep for the month ahead, a familiar fear that I am trying to predict my future is crawling up my spine.

I’ve been chewing on something the past week with nanowrimo on the horizon. My novel is fantasy and complex to create. I have an entire world, magic system, and creatures I’ve crafted and it is tedious to keep track. If you want a hint at what it looks like, take a look at JK Rowling’s workspace while writing Harry Potter. Not only is it writing the novel but also keeping track of all these details I’ve made up. It’s a blast, don’t get me wrong, but it may take me longer to truly complete it.

My project for next month might blow past it.

It is a simpler story. I made an outline ahead of time. I created character profiles prior to diving in. I’m more prepared thanks to nanowrimo teaching me how to be. This might be the one I finish and query. This might be the one I move forward with.

Being an artist, I walk into situations dreaming big and thinking they are THE ONE. Every audition, I think “This could be it. This is the one I book and it all changes.” I think the majority of us do that. We know in reality chances are it won’t be but one time, just once, it will be.

I have dreamed big with my novel. But there’s a witchy feeling inside of me that is telling me this won’t be it. Not in a bad way. I will be finishing it and doing the same process because I believe it in, love it, and I am proud of what I have created and the story I am telling. I just have this inkling this first open door might not be the one I thought it would be. It might be a story about monsters instead of a girl with dark magic.

Maybe it’s none of these.

I’m a Gemini and fickle as hell but I hate change and surprises. I’ve taught myself to adapt a bit better as I’ve grown but it is still difficult for me to adjust my trajectory. The tricky part is that I have to figure out the balance. Work on each of them but if one pulls ahead, I follow it. I can’t dig my heels in and say “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.” There isn’t a clear path in this life and resisting what the universe is dishing out to me could result in a lost opportunity. A big one.

I only need one open door. I’m done predicting which one it will be.